Beneath the Surface
by Kaline Reine
Summary: Sasuke wonders Is it worse to die or never live in the first place? All of his life, he's been living a lie. He's been craving excitement and danger for a long time and when he gets an unexpected phone call things take a turn for the dirtiest. ItaSasu.


**Beneath the Surface  
by Kaline Reine**

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

WARNINGS: Adult content, Yaoi, Slash, M/M, gay, homosexual, homoerotic, or any other words one might choose to describe two guys doing inappropriate things together. Also incest, specifically that of the Uchihacest variety. If you do not wish to partake of reading that sort of thing, please avert your eyes now.

* * *

Beneath the surface, we are all dark, wicked people; wanting nothing but to make ourselves and others suffer… I don't want happiness, but the misery is driving me insane. I don't know what I want anymore…

My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I've been living with my boyfriend Naruto for a few years now… I don't know for certain what want. But I do know this isn't what I want. My life is not the way I want it to be, in any way, shape, or form. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead.

No. I am a failure. Just like the millions of other nobodies in the world, who have also failed.

I dropped out of high school. I'm supposed to be an artist. One who has quite a good reputation… It seems I can't even do that right. I haven't been motivated enough to do anything lately. All there is… Is this stagnant static racing through my brain. A dull throbbing ache to create something worthwhile… But it's just not coming to me. It's gotten worse now, and I'm afraid that it might be the point of no return.

My paintings were selling pretty well, but now I've failed to meet several deadlines. I know my clients are getting fed up with me. There's nothing I can do to stop it, and I feel so helpless. There's just so much pressure coming at me from all angles, which really does anything but help. I'm sick of screwing up! Tired of my work not being good enough anymore… My skills are rusty and waning. It's catching up to me now.

I only worry that eventually Naruto will get sick of me not being able to pull my own weight. What will happen then? He'll throw me out, that's what.

Maybe it would be good if he did. At least it would be something different; a change. And that is what I want, after all… I think.

Sometimes I think that all I am to him is a body. Just a body to fill his life… And his bed. All I do is take up room. Until he needs me, that is… I remember when it used to be fun. Back when we first started dating, things were a constant battle for us. It felt great, like fighting in a war. And we were fighting it _together_. It gave me a sense of honor and pride somehow.

I lived with my parents at the time… They knew I wasn't exactly normal. Then came the big shock when I finally decided it was time to come out of the closet. I was sick of having to keep my relationship a secret from the world.

Eventually I'd come to live with Naruto. We have our own place together, but everything is in his name. He was the one who paid for it all. It had felt so good at the time, leaving my family behind. It was for the best. I mean, it's not like I needed them in the first place.

It all feels so transparent now, the feelings so paper-thin…

Naruto isn't my soul mate or anything. I'm not quite naive enough- not quite enough of a_ dreamer_, even though dreaming is my life- to believe in things like soul mates and destiny.

It took forever for me to convince people that I was really gay; that it was not an act or a front of any kind. The very idea of it had unnerved me a bit. But in the end, I'd stuck to my guns and shown them who I really am. And now… Now I just wish I knew myself.

I light a cigarette, watching with close scrutiny, as the smoke glides smoothly away from it… '_So free… I wish I could be free like that.'_

Naruto is lying next to me in the bed. But then, he's always lying. …Even when he's sitting up. Yes, we are living a lie. Like two caged birds, with no one else but each other. Maybe they're meant to be in the cage together, and maybe they aren't… But either way, by the time they escape they will undoubtedly emerge as a mated pair. If for no other reason, than being trapped together for so long. Or sometimes they will live together until they die; two captive halves of the same whole concept.

Just as we are doing, in this apartment… I hate it here. I feel so trapped. My life has come to a halt. I am bored… So bored, and uninspired. I can still remember a different time. A time when things used to be much better…

At least things used to be exciting, back when I lived with Mom and Dad… And Itachi.

The calming presence of my older brother is something that I have to admit, I kind of miss… All the times when we would fight, and then later make up. We had a deep rivalry, when we were young. In our later years, we started getting along great… Until the news about my sexuality had come up.

It wasn't even any of his business… And yet, he'd reacted like a stubborn fool. Once he found out, whenever the subject of Naruto would come up, he started acting like an ass. He was so upset over the fact that I had a boyfriend, and not a girlfriend. But I had always ignored it, and tried to patch things up with my brother as best I could. As with everything else in my life, it was never good enough.

He asked me why I couldn't just date girls, like a normal person… His words had hurt, not as much as his initial reaction, but still… They stung. Words have a funny way of doing that sometimes. The old adage about sticks and stones has been proven false to me over and over again.

If I am a freak, then Itachi is much worse. He'd always claimed to be asexual, not interested in anyone no matter what. And it seemed true. He just didn't focus on those things in life.

Yet he still said he'd feel better if I would date a girl… He'd never given me a feasible reason as to why. And when he and my parents ganged up on me, it was too much. A person, much like an animal in a cage, can only take so much abuse before they snap. And I'd had enough. That was what led me here, to my safety-net. …To Naruto.

And maybe that's what it was… Maybe it was too safe, too boring, too stagnant… Too-

"Dull."

He looks up at me as I finally voice my thoughts out loud. "What do you mean, 'suke?" He says, in that dreadful drawl of his. …The one I am so tired of hearing for these past few years.

I sigh. There is just no getting through to him. "Nothing."

And he shrugs. Not willing to even offer me the slightest bit of comfort. Perhaps he feels it too. He pulls me to him and kisses me with slimy lips. The stale, bitter taste of agony fills my mouth. I'm not happy here anymore.

The phone rings.

When I don't even move, the tuft of sunshine colored spikes rolls to one side. Naruto picks up the receiver… "Yeah?"

Such a lovely way to answer the phone. Really classy. …You moron.

Although, he was probably just annoyed at being interrupted like that. He listened for a moment. Then, for a brief second he looked pale. Almost ghostly, for someone who was usually so warm and bright. Naruto was a fluffy ball of sunshine, in every possible way. …Or he used to be. Now whatever feelings we once had for each other were almost completely drained. He doesn't even act like he cares me about me anymore.

"It's… your brother."

That's so weird. I was just thinking about him…

"Hn. What does he want?"

"Here," The scars on his cheeks are just barely visible in the dim lighting. The sun is going down, and soon it will be dark out. He carelessly tosses me the cordless phone, and rolls over on the bed, grumbling.

"Hello?" Not great, but at least it's better than the way Naruto answered the phone. "Itachi?"

"Sasuke, I need to talk to you. Mom and Dad are… They went on a cruise a few days ago. And the ship… something happened. They aren't coming back."

I've never heard him sound like this… His voice sounds like it's about to crack. He's frantic. I wonder if this madness will be catching. I take a moment to think. I feel like I need something solid to hold onto. Suddenly the bed isn't enough to hold me. I need someone to catch me from falling into total darkness… But there's no one there.

Naruto is right next to me, and couldn't care less. Itachi might as well be a whole world away… We don't even see the world in the same way. And he's all the way at home, on the other end of an electronic device. There's no way he can comfort me from there.

But somehow, his voice holds me steady. "Just try to stay calm. They wouldn't want us to get upset."

"Are you sure they're…" I don't want to say the words. If I say them, then they'll become real. "Not coming back?"

"Positive. They sent out a rescue team for the last three days, and each time they came back empty handed. They said there is no way, not even the most remote chance, that anyone could have survived what happened to that cruise ship. There was an explosion…"

Itachi… Is he… crying? I don't believe it.

"Who's not coming back?"

Now Naruto was trying to cut in. Hmm… I ignored him. If he wanted to know, he should have shown concern before. I turn back to my conversation with my brother.

"Hn. Well then, why call me?"

They'd all turned their backs on me long ago… Did they even deserve for me to be concerned? Did they deserve my sympathy, my pity…? My tears…

Tears are rolling down my face at this point. I am not even aware of them, as one by one, the little seeds of sorrow plant themselves firmly in our bed… The bed I share with the person that I least want to share it with.

But Naruto has done nothing wrong. He's always been there. He didn't turn his back on me. _'But why does it feel so wrong?' _

More importantly, why am I still letting this bother me? I close my eyes, and refocus my concentration on my parents. "I didn't even know they were going on a cruise."

"Kakashi gave them tickets," Itachi says, sounding more composed this time. "He won them, but couldn't go."

Kakashi was our neighbor. He was a lawyer, and probably couldn't take enough time away from his job to go on a luxury cruise. But what am _I_bitter about? At least he has a job.

I nod my head, even though he can't see it… It's like he can feel it or something. "Yeah… Well…" My voice is breaking.

"I need you," He speaks the words slowly, with such violent clarity that it's almost shocking. "I need you to help me pack up their things, Sasuke. I'm keeping the house and… There are too many reminders."

Ah. So that's why he called me.

Itachi was being awfully compassionate for someone who was normally so cold. I fully believed him when he said that he was asexual. He has never been interested in anyone or anything at all. He is arrogant and on the inside, I know better than anyone else how miserable my brother is.

"I'll be over in the morning."

"Is there… any way you can come tonight?" Crap. He sounds desperate.

I roll my eyes. "I guess… It's not like I'm doing anything anyway." I chance a glance at Naruto, who is sending an angry look my way. Yep. Won't be doing anything- or anyone either, thanks to my big mouth- for a loooong time.

_ 'Way to go, Sasuke.' _I mentally congratulate myself on my idiocy. _'You've managed to screw things up for yourself, as usual. This is going just great.' _

My family lives just on the other side of town. It won't take long for me to get there, but something else is nagging at me right now. Could it be guilt? Maybe I should ask Naruto what he thinks before I go. Itachi has already hung up, without saying goodbye, as usual.

When I open my mouth to speak, he is the one who speaks first. "Did something happen to your family?"

"How did you know that?"

"Why else would Itachi call?"

He was right. My brother hadn't called me since I'd moved in here. I didn't even think he had the number, to be perfectly honest. Itachi was so uncomfortable with my lifestyle choice. It seemed he'd been bearing a grudge against me ever since I came out about my sexuality, and told everyone about Naruto. It wasn't right for him to do that, but I knew I couldn't be pushy. He would either accept it in time, or he wouldn't.

Now that something had happened to our parents, he didn't have much of a choice at the moment. I knew he needed someone to be there for him. And I was going to be that someone… As much as I felt uncomfortable with it.

"I see your point. I have to go help him… put away a few things," I hesitate, knowing that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach can only mean that Naruto is angry with me. "I should be back in a few days."

I take a deep breath, feeling the icy silence settle over us again. He's already laying down and won't even answer me. If I pester him about it, he'll only get annoyed.

He wants to ask me not to go. I can _feel it_. But I know that he won't ask. He'll let me go… And then hold it over my head, use it to guilt-trip me into getting his way for months, once this is all over. He is manipulative, catty, and cunning. He only seems cute and innocent at first… Lurking just beneath the surface, there is a predator.

I wish he would get a wake-up call some time. He should know the reason I'm so unhappy. But I'm unwilling to just reach out and… do anything about it. I'm just too afraid of rejection, I guess. He's the only person who has ever accepted me as I am. I thought Itachi could be accepting of me, no matter what… I was wrong. Now I'm so afraid that Naruto will reject me too if I tell him the truth. I shouldn't have to feel that way with someone I love, but that's life. Or it's my life, anyway… But just once, I'd like for him to know how I felt. Maybe even feel it too. Even if this pain is a thousand times worse than I would wish on my worst enemy.

I've got to stop thinking these thoughts… I have to get ready, and pack for the short trip. It's just across town, but this is a big city. And I know I'll have to stay for at least a few days. Itachi will never admit when he's feeling depressed and needs a shoulder to cry on.

This is different, though. Our parents are dead. My family… _gone_. Why the hell can't I just focus on that one problem, instead of all these others?

I'm just randomly shoving things that I own into a bag, not even paying the slightest bit of attention to what I put in. I'm anything but a weak person. The people that know me can all attest to that fact. And yet, I have never felt so weak as I do in this moment. Right now… I barely have the strength to go on, to pack the rest of my things away, and get out of Naruto's sight- I know he's disgusted with me. He has to be. Fuck- even _I'm_disgusted with me!

I barely glance at my hair in the mirror, before I fix my black spikes into place, and I'm ready to go. _'I hate my hair…'_

It feels like I'm just rambling useless words in my head most of the time. I don't even know what I'm saying to anyone anymore. I know I spoke to the cab driver when I signaled him over. But whatever I said to him, is for him to remember… Me; I always forget.

* * *

The lights of the city go by in a bright, midnight blur… I wish I didn't have to look at this place with such disgust, for all the memories it holds for me. If not for all those negative things, the lights of this city might even be pretty.

I sigh, and thank my lucky stars- what few I have, anyway- that this cab driver isn't the talkative type. I don't think I could talk to anyone right now without breaking down crying. I'm just so… I don't even know what I feel. And I don't think I want to.

…Tired. That's it. I'm _tired_… Physically and mentally exhausted.

And there is nothing I can do to escape my own thoughts that keep me busy… Nothing to overshadow this pitch-black dark that hangs over all of us. At this moment, no one can save me from myself… Or the shell of a person I feel that I've become.

Tired of thinking about everything, I close my eyes and slowly drift to sleep. I know I'm resting my head against the back of the seat that's probably crawling with germs, but right now I just don't care. The driver already has his orders for where to go. It shouldn't be long now.

Before I can fully fall asleep, I feel the car turning down that familiar driveway. This prompts me to open my eyes, without the cabbie even having to say anything.

"How much do I owe you?" Paying the fare, I climb out of the car with both of my bags in hand.

I look around. This place doesn't even feel familiar to me anymore… It's not the same as it used to be. The house has a completely different look. The front lawn has been rearranged too. The tree growing by our- correction, _his_- front porch has grown much bigger than it used to be.

I wonder if my brother has grown any, as a person. Maybe he's changed…

Taking a deep breath, I shove all my doubts aside and trudge up the steps. Of course he won't have changed much. He'll still be the same homophobic person he's always been. Or at least… After finding out that I was gay. I guess the subject just never came up before. I'm already bracing myself for the awkward feeling of seeing him again, after so long. Why does it feel like _I'm_the one who's done something wrong?

Before I can ring the doorbell, the door swings open. And there, in the dark twilight from the street light that reaches just inside the front door of what used to be my home, stands _my brother_…

His eyes are black with this odd red tinge that glistens in what little light there is. His long black hair looks disheveled. It's not up in it's normal ponytail. Long black locks frame his face, and cascade over his shoulders and down his back. When I was younger, I used to like to run my hands through it, for comfort. And now… Needing to feel some form of comfort, I want to do that right now. I long to feel those silky strands, splayed out over my hands, running through my fingers like smooth, dark water…

But I realize that he's the reason I feel so awkward. He isn't the same now as he was then. He's changed. This wasn't the brother who used to cuddle me, and make me feel secure. This was the one who had shunned me; turned his back on me when I needed him the most.

I'm all choked up. I can't find the right words to say.

Luckily, he does it for me. "Welcome home, little brother."

"Itachi… I-"

"Shhh…" He puts a finger to my lips, so casually. My eyes are drawn to it, but then I look beyond it to focus on his face. Like Naruto, he also has scars on his face. But he has two vertical ones near his eyes that make him look a lot like his namesake; a weasel. "Let's go inside."

I follow him in. I still feel awkward. There is some kind of tension in the air. I can barely feel it, but I know it's there.

The walls are still painted the same drab shade of gray they always have been. I hope Itachi will paint them a new color someday. I don't even care which one… I'm no interior decorator. I don't care what this place looks like. I never thought I'd see it again. And I'm still not even sure if I want to.

_ 'I wanted to be here.' _I realize. Everything is slowly dawning on me. If I hadn't wanted to be here, I wouldn't have come. It's as simple as that.

We're walking, and I know he's leading me into the main room. I still have my bags, and I have to be careful with them. My parents liked to collect things, like statues and figurines… Things that were worth money. Like the big green vase that we pass by. I have to make sure I dodge it with both of my bags. It's worth a lot.

Finally when we get to the den, he pauses. "Put your things down… Sasuke."

The way he says my name… It's so soft. He's treating it delicately; like some fragile, frail thing. Is he afraid to shatter what we have? It's too late for that now.

I realize I'm still holding my bags, and I finally drop them. The duffle bag settles to the ground with a thud, from my left hand. And I swing my right around to put the heavier suitcase on the sofa. Itachi motions for me to sit. I notice he still hasn't turned around, but I shake my head no. I know he'll know what I do anyway. He's always been like that. He doesn't have to look to know.

Being in the room with him like this is nerve-wracking. I'm suddenly not even sure why I'm here anymore. The air in the room is stifling, almost choking me.

"We should start in their room… First thing tomorrow."

His tone is grave and serious. I'm not in the mood, but I play along anyway. "What do you think of painting this place a different color? Aren't you tired of gray?"

"Yes… I'd prefer it was black," He turned, finally, to look at me. I can't meet his gaze, so I look away. "But what color would you like, I wonder?"

_ 'Whatever you do, resist the urge to say rainbow… Technically, that's not just one color anyway.'_

If he'd been going anywhere with that statement, it was lost on me. "I don't care. It's your place now. Do what you want."

"It doesn't have to be. You could live here too."

Is he toying with me? "I'm not leaving Naruto."

I glare at him, this time making sure to look him in the eye. That way he'll know I'm serious. He returns my glare, and looks even angrier. We're both just standing in the middle of the living room, facing off.

"He isn't good for you," He's right. But that just makes his words sting that much more. I always hate that. He's making me feel so guilty. "But you already know I don't approve of your…_ relationship_with him."

"Is that why you insisted on me coming here? I thought you were upset! Our parents are _dead_, you jackass!" He continues to just look at me, as I go on with my rant. "Instead you invited me here to… To what? Insult my sexuality? You f-"

He just walks away from me, while I am in mid-sentence. When I pause, he turns to me just before leaving.

"Sasuke… You can sleep on the couch. We got rid of your bed."

Itachi and I used to share a room… But that was before I moved out. We each had our own beds. It had been years, so I was sure they would've gotten rid of it by now. Why did it seem like he was taking a jab at me when he said that too?

When he left I could practically see that arrogant smirk on his face! I was not only insulted, now I was angry. Why did he always somehow turn the conversation around to my sex life? He's my brother. That's none of his business anyway.

I seriously consider just grabbing my bags, and walking out the door to flag down another cab. But it's late… And I'm tired. I've had enough of this fighting. And if he were still in the room, I would probably be waving a white flag. Lost in my thoughts of surrender, I start unpacking my bags… I take out the loose-fitting boxers and big dark blue T-shirt that I love to sleep in. It used to have our family crest on it, before I ripped it off. So there was a hole in the back, but it was still my favorite shirt.

I suddenly notice that I've forgotten to pack any pillows or covers… I was stupid to think that Itachi would provide them for me. I was right, as usual. He hasn't changed one bit.

I lie down and try to make the best of it, anyway. I wrap myself up in the T-shirt, and use one of the tiny sofa cushions as a pillow. It's not much, but at least it's something. I hate sleeping on the couch. It's so uncomfortable… The only alternative would be sleeping in my parents' room. And that's something I don't even want to think about. I could never do that. I could kick Itachi out of his bed, but I don't even feel like facing him right now.

Wanting to know what time it is, I roll to one side and look at the clock on the DVD player. It's soft blue glow is calming, at least. I can't believe it's past eleven, already.

This couch is so uncomfortable. I could lie here all night, and still not fall asleep. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, thanks to my ass of a brother. I listen to the clock on the wall slowly ticking by, as the minutes go past… Every time I try to count them, I lose track. It's a dizzying feeling, that spirals into nothing.

Slowly, before I know it, my eyes drift closed… And all I can see is blackness.

* * *

I wake up groggy. It doesn't feel like I got any sleep at all, and there is this weird pain in my back… Stupid sofa. I realize I'm not cold anymore, and to my surprise there is a fluffy red blanket spread over me. I stare at the rosy hills and valleys splayed out across my lap in surprise.

"What the-?" I voice my surprise out loud. Then I look up. "…Crap." I forgot I'm not alone.

"You looked cold when I went to the bathroom last night, so I thought I'd give you one of my blankets."

One of his? No wonder it smelled so much like him… That's one thing I've always noticed: People's scents. Everyone seems to be unique when it comes to that. Especially Itachi. He always smelled like… The way the air felt after a summer storm. I know that sounds cheesy, but he was every bit as refreshing as that. And then some… His was a comforting scent. But maybe that's because I always used to feel so safe with him. Whatever happened to that?

Naruto's, on the other hand… Smelled like cigarettes. How charming.

In fact, I'd picked up the habit from him. Now that I was out of the apartment, I didn't feel the need to smoke. I'd never really been a chain smoker, but I was stressed out at the moment. I don't know how much longer I can last without one. But I don't want Itachi to know that I'm a smoker, on top of everything else.

I feel the need to apologize about yesterday. But then… Why should I? Bringing it up will just give him another opportunity to make me feel like shit.

He was getting closer to me now. What should I say? What should I do? His face was inches away from mine.

"I want it back now…" He yanked the corner of the blanket away from me, taking the warmth along with it. "Having nice thoughts this morning, little brother?"

I look down, and suddenly I blush when I realize what he means… I'm harder than I can ever remember being. I don't think it was like that a minute ago, but hell, I'm sleepy. Maybe I didn't notice it. Though it's pretty hard not to notice a huge tent in my pants.

"Morning wood is a bitch…" I mumble grumpily, getting out of 'bed' and going to the bathroom to take a cold shower. …Even though I'm already cold.

"Is that what you call it?"

He sounds amused. But I'm not. I slam the door.

Breakfast isn't what it used to be. By the time I get out of the bathroom, fully dressed with my hair fixed back into it's neat spikes, Itachi has breakfast on the table: Cold cereal. But hey, at least it's Captain Crunch.

"Sasuke…" He ruffles my hair while I'm eating, which annoys me twice as much. I hate being touched while I'm eating, and he knows that. Even worse, I absolutely despise when anyone touches my hair.

"Leave me alone." A death glare sends the message clearly. "I'm not in the mood."

"That's too bad," He smirks, telling me without words that he has something up his sleeve.

I could have sworn he was building up to saying something else, but then he stopped. That was it? Oh well. I don't care. At least he's on the other side of the table, and I'm finishing my bowl of cereal.

My thoughts briefly go back to Naruto… Itachi's cooking may not be the best, but at least he made _something_. Even if it is just cereal… My boyfriend never lifts a finger in the kitchen. But why am I comparing him to Naruto again? I need to stop doing that.

After a while, we both get up from the table. I know what we have to do, and so does he. We know what the other is thinking without words sometimes… Most of the time, that's quite a feat since Itachi's feelings are pretty much locked away.

"Let's get started." His words shatter the silence.

We go into their room and I see that Itachi already has some boxes lying around in the corner. They're all flattened, and we both start opening them and piling things in. I don't know how he's handling it, but I'm trying not to look at anything. Just shoving things in as fast as I can. When I glance over, I see that he is doing the same.

Could this be effecting him just as much?

It's finally dawning on me that this is real. It isn't a joke. Mom and Dad are really dead; they aren't coming back. My thoughts are frantic… I don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to react. It hurts so much to know that we were on bad terms when they died. And now I'll never see them again. I can't apologize- I can't say I'm sorry, like I so desperately want to- and that hurts me more than anything ever could.

I'm ignoring the tears that start to fall, when I notice that Itachi is having the same problem.

"I'll never get to tell them…" I have to let this out to someone, and even if it's the person I least want to talk to, he's the only one here. "I can't… ever…"

My words are incoherent, and Itachi is struggling to understand. "Sasuke…" That's all he says, just my name.

Before I can blink, his arms are around me and I'm sobbing into his chest. I can feel him pulling me closer… And I don't know what to do. All of this has been building up, and it's turned into something bigger than both of us.

My whole life, I've always tried to do what's right.

"I never meant to hurt you," His voice startles me, as I'm still clinging to his chest.

I don't care how wrong it is, or how stupid it makes me feel… I run my fingers through his hair. I can't help it anymore. He sighs agreeably when I do it. Maybe he was expecting it, or even wanting it too? I never thought he'd be so relaxed by me doing something as simple as this. I like when he wears his hair down, instead of tied. It makes it so much easier to caress it.

I'm losing myself in his black sweater. It looks really good on him, and it's so comfortable. I love when he wears this one, but I don't think I've ever told him that. I'm wearing the grayish blue long sleeve shirt that he got me one year for my birthday. But I doubt he even remembers it.

We're still standing, but he's leaning on the wall now, and I'm leaning against him. We need each other for support right now. Even if he does think I'm a filthy, disgusting fag. We really need to talk about that, too. Before it's too late. _Before I lose him too._

But we don't.

The silence carries on, and still we don't speak. I don't think either of us can right now. The deep quiet in this room is deafening, stifling.

The brief thought of suicide flickers through my head. It's been happening more and more lately… I've thought of telling someone about it, but my life is boring. The only person I see is Naruto, and he isn't understanding about things like that. Then again, Itachi wasn't understanding either, when he learned about my preference for men.

"Life is dull now. Everything is dull." _Except the razor I hide in my bedroom._But I'm not telling anyone about that. "In a way, it's nice to be home."

He sniffed. "Hmm, but that isn't the only thing that made you decide to come here. Is it, Sasuke?"

"What do you mean?"

"You need closure. Not from their deaths… From something else."

Maybe he's right. But what?

"Like leaving this all behind?" Itachi nods at my words. "I never meant to do that. It wasn't my choice, you know…"

"No one said you had to leave."

I look up at him. "What do you mean?"

He pauses. "I've missed you, Sasuke." He's looking deep into my eyes. This feels like a dream…

I'm sick of fighting this. The tension is just too much, and when he dips his head lower, I don't fight back. I don't do anything at all, except let my lips be taken by his. Fast and hard; that's exactly how he likes to do things. His kiss is so much like him. Even his tongue feels demanding, yet soft, as it writhes into my mouth. I squirm in his grasp. This is so good, I never want it to end…

I feel nothing, except a brief flicker of sadness behind the mask of lust. Will this make it better? Can it really make everything go away, just for a little while?

_Yes._

This is what I want to feel… What I need… I've dreamt of this moment, but repressed it so much and forced it down, because it's wrong. His hand brushes down my leg, and reaches for my- I pull away. What are we doing? How did I even allow him to get this close?

He's still trying to touch me… And I'm fighting it. I know he's not serious. He's only doing this to see how far he can get with me. It will only be a matter of me giving in to him, when he'll say… say I'm a… He'll call me a faggot!

I know the words are coming, as soon as he opens his mouth. "Wait," I stop him. I have to. "I thought you were asexual?"

"I never said that. I said I wasn't interested in anyone. There is only one person I was ever interested in… And it's someone I can never have."

It feels so weird to hear him talk this way. I feel like he's being blatantly honest with me. When I look into his eyes, all I see is honesty… And fear. He looks like he's about to run.

"I've never been asexual… Just Sasuke-sexual."

I don't know what to say. I'm caught in his web, and… I can't escape. He's mesmerizing me with his eyes… Just being in the room is too much right now. The weight of his gaze is smoldering, and-

"Wait. I have to know…" I lightly push myself off of him, taking a step back for good measure. "Why…? Why did you say all those things about me dating Naruto? If you like me, then you're gay too. Why did you punish me for being the same as you?"

"Punishing you sounds like a good idea, little brother."

He shoves me back onto the bed. And I panic… This is the place that I least want to be at the moment. He climbs on top of me, and now I can't escape. I could never run from him anyway. Itachi is like a rare flower. Once you finally see it, you can't take your eyes away… No matter what. I could watch him for hours, just sitting there.

_ 'Fuck. He's beautiful.'_

Itachi is still talking… "But for the record, I never said anything about your sexual preference. And I never would… The reason I was upset with you was due to your choice in a partner. When I found out you were gay, I also found out you already had a boyfriend. How do you think that would make me feel?"

"Pretty lame, I guess."

I know the truth now… And it hurts. For all this time, I thought that he was the one being a traitor… When really, it was me.

"All this time… You… You felt that way about me?"

Itachi looks away, and nods slightly. His eyes darken. I guess he's still pretty upset over it. But who wouldn't be? I had no idea how he felt and all this time I've been treating him like he's a criminal. I want to say I'm sorry, but I know they'll just be wasted words.

Instead, I run my lips down his cheek, to his neck where I press up gently. I move my lips against his skin, and watch as his eyes slide closed in pleasure. I can see his biceps flexing with the effort of staying suspended above me for this long. He's still looking away, and I can feel the pain coming from him. He must have been hiding this for so long… And I didn't make it any easier on him.

But I don't want to do this for him, I realize… I want to do it… For me. To feel some excitement in my life, for once. To feel something. At all.

"Yes…" He breathes his answer into my ear, and I whimper.

I can barely think straight. I know I'm losing it. But I need to know… "Then why did you tell me I should date girls?"

"That would have been easier on me. Knowing you were the same as me, so close… But I still couldn't have you because someone else did… It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

He's opening up to me and telling me all of these things. And all I can do is ask more questions. I feel so stupid.

"Itachi… I just-"

"Shhh…" He silences me by gently pressing his lips to mine. "Don't talk now. We no longer have any use for words."

He's right. I let myself give in to this feeling, just for a few moments more.

Now I'm feeling the rush. Sudden excitement that builds and twists it's way through my body at a rapid pace. It's like the most delicious poison I've ever tasted. And the best part is, he's all mine. And I'm his…

Even if I belong to someone else… I belong to Itachi, right here, right now. This is all that matters to me. Feeling him above me.

"Mmm…"

He makes the most delicious sound, when I bring my knee up just a little bit. I can feel him through his jeans… He's hard as a rock, and so am I. Itachi moves his hips against mine, and now it's my turn to moan. I can't help it. This is so hot, so new, so exciting… Nothing could ever compare to this.

_ I'm sick._

Sick for doing something like this with my brother, maybe… But also, sick of living a lie my whole life. Sick of running away from everything and abandoning everyone. Sick of not being who I really am. Sick of not _knowing_who I am! I'm sick of everything… Just sick.

"Brother…" I take him in, wanting to feel all of him all over me at once. And I'm getting that wish fulfilled. "Take me."

"Ohhh… I will. Be patient."

I know he's feeling just as excited as I am. It doesn't take long for me to scrape my nails along his back, and coax him into removing our tops. First, he takes his sweater off… Then comes my shirt. Now the only thing separating us are our jeans. They're just in the way as far as I'm concerned, but when I reach down for the button on his, he grabs my wrist. Forcing it over my head, he kisses me wildly again, sending my mind reeling with satisfaction.

It's like scratching the worst itch I've ever had. '_And still, I want more…_'

And suddenly, his tongue is on me. My brother is licking all over my chest. He moves in circles, and then suddenly changes to smooth, straight licks. His tongue feels so warm against my skin… When he moves up to lap at my nipples mercilessly, I lay my head back and moan.

I don't realize I'm arching my back, until I feel our erections scrubbing together through our pants. I need to take them off… But we can't do this here.

"Stop," I push him off of me. "This isn't right. We're in our parents' bed, for fuck's sake!"

Itachi is lying on his side now, propping himself up with one elbow and looking down at me. "This is already wrong. But it's the perfect place… You have to admit." He leans down close to me, pressing his mouth to my ear. "You know you love it."

He's right. I'm a sick, depraved person. And so is he. That's why we're perfect together.

"At least let me…" I stumble over my words, struggling to say what I feel. "L-let me t-take off my… my pants."

"Let _me._"

His fingers slip under the fabric, teasing me into surrender. His hand feels so good there. "Mhmmn…" I can't control myself anymore.

He unbuttons my jeans in a flash and then the zipper is down… I can feel each and every one of the teeth grinding against my swollen flesh, as he does this. It feels so damn good to know what he's about to do to me.

His hand grasps my arousal fiercely. There is no more control. I helplessly thrust myself into his hand, until he stills my fluid hips by leaning on me with his arm holding me down. His other hand is busy… His sweet, smooth fingers curl around my shaft, making my toes curl along with them. And he strokes me faster, then slowly; his thumb grazing the tip. I can barely breathe…

I feel so awkward being the only one who is naked. I want him to be naked too…

"Fuck… Itachi… Take off y-your pants?" I'm pleading with him now.

I lick my lips when his fingers move to give me what I want. I've been dying for this moment, I realize with a shock. I want to see it, feel it in my hands… As soon as it's freed, I hesitantly run my hands over the silken flesh. Itachi's head falls back, and he moans. My fingers get lost in the tuft of midnight black pubic hair. He shifts his hips, and I love the feeling of power- love knowing I must be driving him insane with need.

But it's awkward, and although I've done this before, I've never done it with him. Never even dreamt that this would ever have the slightest chance of happening… Everything is so dream-like here. I wonder if it could be a dream. Maybe I'm still asleep on the couch.

No.

I know this is real. It has to be.

_ 'Where do we go from here?' _I want to ask him, but I'm too afraid.

I don't feel as horny as I did, just moments ago. Now I feel vulnerable, and kind of stupid. I've done this a hundred times, and I still don't know what to do. Although, to be fair, Naruto has always taken the lead.

We always just had plain, boring vanilla sex. I have always thought it was supposed to be like that. Sure, it was fun. But not very exciting… Every time, I always make Naruto wear a condom. It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I have always done that. It's the right thing to do. …Making out with my brother is the wrong thing to do. But living a lie with someone who does absolutely nothing for me is even more wrong.

"What… should we do now?"

I feel even worse when Itachi laughs at me. "Silly little brother. Haven't you ever done this with your boyfriend?"

"Of course I have…" It's just that I don't want to think about him right now. "It's just… I… we… Well, it's different with you."

"Mmm…" He seemed to agree. "Lie down on your side."

I do as he had asked, even though it seems pretty weird. Is it supposed to be sexual? I've never heard of this. Itachi lies down beside me, but to my surprise he's turning the other way, so that his feet are near the head of the bed, and his face is level with my- …Oh.

"I see…"

"Hn." He smirks, just before taking me into his mouth. It sends a sudden shock of pure pleasure through my entire body at once. Fuck! It's almost enough to send me over the edge… I can barely contain a whimper. His mouth is so hot and the suction is making me crazy. I want to buck my hips, but this is awkward, and I'm sort of afraid.

I feel weird. What should I do now? I'm kind of just sitting here, while he's sucking me off and I feel bad.

His cock is near my face, so I curl downward where I can have better access. I don't know if this was his original intent or not, but… Either way I'm sure it will be fine. If he didn't want me to touch it, he shouldn't put it near my face.

I feel a shudder rip it's way through his body. At the same time, it feels like I'm on fire. We're both sucking each other as hard as we can. I wonder how long it would take for one of us to cum… But then Itachi stops, and moves away a little.

Before I know what's happening, I feel something warm and wet sliding between my cheeks… _Back there._No one's ever done that to me before, and it's alarming at first. I mean, it's just so dirty. But I don't care, because of who it is that's doing it to me. When his tongue pushes against me, I buck my hips with need. And now his hand is on my cock…

"Ah, fuck!" I whine, straining to contain myself. That feels so good…

"It's okay Sasuke…" He purrs, taking his face away from my ass. "You can cum if you need to."

But I don't. I want to save it for when we… If we… I just hope we do. I don't think I can take it if we don't go all the way._ 'He'd better not stop halfway through…'_

I can't voice my complaints about anything, if I even had any, for so much intense pleasure. I feel all slippery back there, and it doesn't help that he's gone back to licking me. His tongue slips inside. I think I'm about to lose it.

Itachi's finger slips away from my cock, long enough to rub around my hole. Involuntarily, I tighten up. It's too embarrassing to have him so close to me like that. But I'm just as close to him, and my tongue is doing it's best to massage his length. I can't even fit the whole thing in my mouth, but I'm trying. His finger enters me, followed shortly by another to stretch me.

He pulls away, after toying with me a little. I notice it already feels better than with Naruto. And the little preparation he's done is more than I'm used to. I almost whine when he pulls his cock free from my mouth. I was having fun…

He's moving over me now. Itachi covers me with his body, and I know what this means… It's really going to happen. He's not going to stop like I had thought he might, in the beginning. He looms over me, dark and dangerous… _Exciting. _

I flip myself over onto my stomach, and raise my hips into the air. I'm ready for him to take me.

"That's a nice view, Sasuke…" He chuckles. "But I'd prefer it if you laid on your back."

"You can… have sex that way?"

I blush, feeling foolish. Like a naive child. How is it that he always knows more than me? I sigh and turn over, conceding victory to my older brother, again. Maybe he knows what he's doing. Every time he touches me, it sure as hell _feels_like he knows what he's doing.

"You've never done this?"

Great. My hard on is going away. Either because I'm scared, or… I am really just that ashamed. But it's okay. I know Itachi will be able to get me hard again.

_'Fuck. All he has to do is look at me with those eyes…'_I wonder if he knows what kind of affect he has on people?

"N-no…" I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest. I'm nervous.

"Don't be afraid…" He nuzzles my neck, placing light kisses here and there. They give me goosebumps. "I'm going to take care of you. Just trust me."

I sigh. "I know." I look up to him, with eyes that I know are full of love.

"It's just that… I want to look at your face while we're making love."

Making love? _Really?_

_ 'That's a new one… Naruto always calls it… having sex, or usually just fucking. Hn. How tasteless.'_It wasn't until now that I truly realize what a disgusting person my boyfriend is. But I don't want to think about him.

Itachi looks at me with dangerous intent. I know this look… And I notice I'm completely erect now.

I can feel the adrenaline surging through my veins, urging me to keep going. I need my brother; need to feel more of him; need him_ inside me_. If I don't have it right this instant, it feels like I'm going to explode.

His eyes darken. "Tell me you want it."

"Nnh, yes… I want it so bad… Itachi… Do me!" I gasp.

And he does.

His inches, slowly sliding their way into me. I notice he's somehow found time to lube himself up. Or either he really was leaking that much. It would have been a smooth entry, if he wasn't so much bigger than what I'm used to.

I feel the fire starting to build from within me, as soon as I feel the tip touch my entrance. He moves slowly at first, letting me get used to him as he gently presses into me. He's so tender and gentle, but this is still exciting for me. I squirm, and embed his cock within me even further. And now he's all the way inside, and the pressure is killing me, but it feels so good to have him there.

It's like my body isn't even mine anymore. It belongs to Itachi now. But… In a way, it was _always _his. Every time I had sex, I would always think of him. That was my biggest secret.

The whole time, it's almost surreal; like a dream. It feels like we're just two naughty teenagers, having sex in our parents' bedroom. Even though we're much older, and they are gone now… I'm surprised to find it's the exact same feeling. We're doing something taboo… Having sex in their bed. And it's even worse because we're brothers. It's almost like they will walk through the door at any given moment. …Only I know they won't. They're dead.

Now he isn't being so gentle anymore. He's becoming feral; more like an animal. I've never seen anyone do this in bed before. Not even in porn. It's such an intense- and I have to admit arousing- transformation… To see him go from being so kind and loving, to being this animalistic, raw, intense thing, high on sexual energy. It's mesmerizing.

Every time he pounds into me, I can see it on his face. His features are contorted, and sometimes it's hard to tell if he's screaming or crying. Either way, I'm happy just knowing that he's mine. We can finally have each other now.

Even if it's not the same as my other relationship… Even if, in this world, we can never truly be together. It's so sad, and I don't want to think about it right now… Don't want to think about anything. Our actions, or the consequences, and what will come from this.

I just want to _feel_.

And I do… I feel him with every piece of myself. I've never been complete until now… Until I have Itachi.

He's going in deeper with every thrust, stretching me to the point where I can barely stand it. …I think I'm going to have trouble walking when this is over. It's the most amazing thing I've ever felt.

I don't know if I'm supposed to, but I wrap my legs around him. He moves one hand up, to lace his fingers through mine. His other hand is busying itself with my nipples, and occasionally my cock. The vibrations from the bed are making Itachi's long hair dance over his shoulders. I want to run my fingers through it again, but I can't. I don't want to break our hold with my left hand, and my right is having to hold onto him for dear life. My fingers are digging into the pale cheek of his ass, but I don't think he cares right now.

_As long as I hold onto him… I know he's real._

This is real. This is amazing… I buck and moan when he hits just the right place inside of me. It sends shivers down my spine, and back again.

"Itachiii…" I'm begging now, pleading for sweet release… "Please!"

All at once, it's draining out of me. Everything. All the pent up emotions, the held back feelings, and the frustration of unreleased tension that is the sexual energy I am afflicted with. The creamy whiteness seeps out of me, making a mess all over my stomach, and Itachi's chest.

"Sasuke… Mmmm…"

He is still able to maintain some kind of control, even as he nears completion. It's amazing to watch. Itachi's eyes glaze over, and he shoots his seed deep inside my channel, as I tighten up around him. It seems like we didn't last very long. We're too strung out for it to matter.

This has to be the best I've ever had. It can never be repeated.

And as I'm glowing with my internal happiness, looking up at the one I love, I fail to notice the figure that is standing behind us. A sweet feeling of bliss is still swimming through my head, even as I follow my brother's gaze to the door.

I'm pale and blushing; used and renewed… All at the same time. And when my eyes meet with the glowing cerulean blue ones- the pair with the horrified owner- my whole world comes crashing down.

_ 'What a buzzkill,' _It's all I can do to keep from voicing my thoughts out loud. _'So much for basking in the afterglow…'_

A single word slides from his plump, dry lips. "No…" Naruto gasps, and I know he sees everything. I wish I knew how long he'd been standing there. He's shaking his head in disbelief.

"_No._" He repeats it, in a dreadful whisper.

The door… It must have been unlocked. I was the last one in, and I forgot to lock it behind me. I guess I just felt so safe here. I didn't think anyone would follow me. I don't know why he would bother to come here to check on me anyway. Unless he knew something was wrong? Maybe he's known that for a long time. He should have. Now he's staring at my brother, who is still balls-deep in my ass.

For all the talk Naruto had made over the years, about acceptance… Always talking trash about my family for how they acted… It is amazing how his expression makes him look so utterly horrified and disgusted with what he's seeing… It doesn't look very _accepting_to me. For all his talk, in the end he is just another hypocrite.

He does a strange thing then. Instead of flying off the handle and letting us have it, he is gone. As soon as he appeared, just like that… He leaves. The blond turns and runs from our house. I can hear the door slam harshly behind him. I'm not sure if I am imagining it or not, but I can swear that I almost hear his footsteps slamming into the cement, as he runs down the street, back toward our home. Or wherever he decides to go…

I don't feel bad. I don't even regret what I've just done. Not the slightest bit of remorse can be felt by my cold, icy heart. When it comes to this, I feel like everything is completely justified now.

We're still joined together. And now I really know… Nothing can ever break us apart.

I suddenly realize… None of it ever mattered. I wasn't running away from my family. I was running away from my feelings for Itachi. All this time, and I've been a fool. I don't feel stupid for what I did to Naruto… I feel stupid for what I've been doing to my brother for all these years.

Slowly, I feel his hips starting to shift. I'm spent, and I don't think I can go for another round right away, especially after having my boyfriend walking in on us like that. He is hardening inside of me, again. His length never seemed to completely lose it's stiffness. I wonder how he feels about what just happened. I would imagine… It must be something instinctive, like the need to claim one's prize after they've earned it. Some kind of ancient mating rite that's been in place since the beginning of time.

"Wh-what are you doing? Itachi?"

I feel like a rag doll, as he easily picks me up and flips me over. His hand slides under my belly, pulling me up so my ass is still against him. This entire time we're still connected, and I'll always wonder how he managed that.

"I'll take you… Every way he did. And I'll do it better. I want to own you…"

I look at him over my shoulder. "You already do."

He is crazed now, in a frenzy. The dangerous aura that surrounds him is almost delicious. I can feel the fear seeping into my heart… I'm not afraid of him. I'm more afraid of losing him, than anything.

Content to bathe in my juices, Itachi still hasn't wiped them away. Maybe it makes him feel closer to me. Or maybe it's just a turn-on for him. I wish I knew more about what he likes in bed… I am so used to pleasing just one person. If only I could have more time to figure all this out. But time is moving by, and these events are pressing forward so quickly. There isn't enough time to think everything through.

Not here, not right now…

All I can feel is the pleasure, as my older brother hits my sweet spot, over and over again. I can't stand it anymore! The pleasure is… too intense… It's… killing me.

"Ah… I-itachi… Please… Big brother, _nooo_…"

My whining only spurs him on. Itachi has incredible stamina, he hasn't even slowed down since we began. But I'm so tired… The bed is creaking with every movement. I guess it's pretty old… We should have moved to his room instead. This isn't right.

"C-can we go to your room…" I plead. "And do it there?"

"After we're done here."

He growls out the words, sounding so wild, so lustfully crazed… And I realize that I'm just as bad. Every time he moves deeper into me, piercing me with his long, dripping hot cock, I find myself moving backward to meet his thrusts. The pain isn't so bad now, and it's greatly being overridden by pleasure. I'm hard again, to my own amazement.

"Th-that wasn't what I meant! Itachi!"

"Hn." He just grunts, and shakes his head no… I wouldn't be able to feel it, but I could feel the tickling sensation of his hair moving over my back and shoulder blades. It's clear that he has no intention of stopping any time soon.

I don't think I can take much more of this sweet torture… But somehow, I manage to go on. I'm holding myself up with my arms, until they give way, and I fall onto my elbows. My knees are getting tired, but Itachi is supporting me from behind so I can keep my balance.

He thrusts really deep, and stretches to reach above me. He grabs two pillows… The pillows that still have their scents on them. I'm appalled when I find out what he's using them for. He stuffs them under my stomach, so I can keep my hips raised for him. It feels nice, because now I can rest for a bit, but… It's too much.

"I can't believe we- _Nnngh!_" I moan at a particularly hard thrust. "Itachi… 'tachi, ohhh…"

I can't even talk now. It's too good. Too perfectly wicked, to do this here. I'm giving in, losing my grip over my own will. I belong entirely to Itachi.

He runs his hands down the back of my thighs to comfort me… And then his hands wander up my back and down to my chest, to tease my nipples. I know what he's doing… My brother is trying to distract me. I know he wants this to last for a while, but I'm almost spent.

I've never felt pleasure like this… Having him deep inside of me, his hard cock between my legs… Itachi's hands touching me all over, his hair splayed across my back and shoulders and neck… Covering me with his whole body. His teeth nipping at my ears and neck, as he pounds into me; unstoppable. I can feel every single inch of him, as he saws back and forth.

He hammers into me, and my mouth is open in a silent scream. His breathing is getting more rapid, shallow… And moans are pouring forth from both of us.

The pressure was building and growing… My shaft is rubbing over the pillows, adding to the incredible sensation of my brother spreading me from behind. I thought that what happened last time was too sinfully sweet to ever happen to me again, but I was wrong. My orgasm hits me with such force, that I'm temporarily blinded with the exquisite torture of my body and soul.

I feel like I'm going to faint, and it seems Itachi is in a similar state. We cry out each other's names as we are brought over the edge together. It's so slippery when he slides out of my entrance. I can feel his fresh, milky liquid streaming down my thighs.

I lay there, panting… _'This time I can have the afterglow…'_ I muse. _'But I'm not sure I still want it. This feels strange. What am I supposed to do now?'_

He looks at me, as silent words pass between us. I swear, I could get lost in his eyes. I wouldn't mind spending forever like this… I'm at a loss for words, and it's obvious that my brother is too. But I can see the raw emotion clearly on his face. We aren't hiding ourselves from each other now. Everything is tranquil. He puts his arms around me, and I never want to leave, or even move.

But we can only stay like this for so long… The world will eventually pull us apart. It's an inevitable truth that we have to face. For just a little while, I am content to curl up in his arms. This is bliss…

After several minutes pass, I push myself up from the mattress. Itachi gives me a questioning look.

"It's time to go face the music…" I sigh, getting ready to go back to my shabby apartment where my boyfriend is. I already know… I'll have to beg forgiveness from him. "You can finish this by yourself. I know you can. I have to go… apologize to him now."

"I understand."

I kind of wish he didn't… But only for a split second.

I feel like he's watching me, while I'm getting dressed, but I can't look at his eyes right now. Once my clothes are on, I already feel the guilt starting to set in. "It was nice while it lasted… Itachi."

_ 'It feels so weird to call him my brother now.' _I sigh. _'He's more than that, and deserves better.' _

He is halfway through putting his clothes on too. He stops once he has his pants on. Shirtless, he stops and looks at me. I'm already leaving…

"You don't have to go, you know… Sasuke."

I turn to him, leaning against the doorway. "What?"

"You could stay here," He looks into my eyes with those devastating dark pools of his. He's serious. "With me."

I don't know what to say. "There's no hope left for us… You know it would only end badly."

My gaze drops to the carpeted floor. I shuffle my feet nervously. He knows I'm just lying to myself again.

"I'm willing to take that chance… I'll never give up on you."

I nod my head and turn to go. His words were almost enough to sway my decision. They will weigh heavily on my mind for a long time… I feel guilty for what I've done to Naruto, even after all the shit he's put me through. But right now, I feel even more guilty for doing this to Itachi. I don't know what I should do. I said I was going to be gone for a few days, but that was before this happened. And before my boyfriend walked in on us.

If I go back… There is no way I can ever look either of them in the eye again. I'd never let myself live this down, even if they did.

I don't think any of this was a mistake, though. Nothing else has ever felt so right in my life. And I feel satisfied, knowing that no matter what nothing can ever take this away from me. I feel free for the first time, and I don't even know why.

Maybe I don't have to go back to my old life that I hate so much. Maybe I could stay… Live a life that I want to live, instead of only having a bland existence. Having excitement and nothing but thrill sounds like a wonderful idea. I'm so sick of everything, and this has been the wildest day of my life. But all the emotion, and the pent-up doubt comes to the surface. I'm not sure what I should do.

In my moment of weakness, I barely make it to the hall before I sink steadily to the floor. I'm crying again. Fuck- _I can't get up._I just need to be alone right now. But Itachi is still there, and he's… walking over to me?

"J-just give me a minute… Please."

I guess he likes to hear me beg, because he's not listening. He scoops me up in his arms, and I'm like a doll. So easy to carry around and manipulate… I'll do whatever he wants me to, and he damn well knows it.

"Sasuke…" He whispers into my ear. "Stay with me."

He wasn't asking. And now I'm tired of fighting it. I can't go on living like this. It's not really living at all. Everything has been so safe and boring.

I know that deep down, what I really want is to stay here… With my brother; my lover… _My world._The only reason I feel like I need to go back to the apartment is because I feel like it's safe there. But maybe I don't want to feel safe anymore…

We're going down the hall and I don't know where. I don't care right now. I've made a mess of my life and I feel like there's nothing I can do… I feel each and every one of his footsteps, as he carries me in his arms. I'm clinging to him, for lack of anything else to do. My head is rest on his shoulder, and I feel content to stay like this…

Fear flutters in my heart, when he passes his room and goes through the house, until he reaches the front door. It's still ajar from when we were disturbed earlier. He looks outside. He's going to put me down… Throw me out of his home and his life. A feeling of dread sinks in and I don't want it to happen. I close my eyes, and cling to him even more tightly, until I hear the door close and the locks click.

Itachi just… Locked the door? With me still inside? That's better than the scenario my mind had provided. I'm almost shaking with nervousness again. What's he going to do with me? I want to ask, but… He's walking again.

He opens the door to his room, and we go inside.

"Welcome home… Little brother."

I thought that when I came out of the closet years before, was when I needed Itachi the most. But right now, in this moment… I realize _this_is when I need him the most.

Fear, excitement, danger… These are the things I have always needed. Life doesn't have to be boring and bland all the time. And it shouldn't. I have two choices in this life; to live, or simply to exist… And I want to live. The thought of never living scares me even more than the thought of dying.

We both take a deep breath, as he closes the door. _Forever._

* * *

**A/N: This was written for a contest on Y!Gallery…**

I hope this was an enjoyable read, and just want to say that I had fun working on it. I know it's a little long. This story can be read alone, but it's also set up to be a trilogy… So I might be writing a sequel, and then a third one to accompany it, if things go well. And yay for the longest oneshot I've ever written… Some people told me lately that I've been writing chapters that are too short… Well, enjoy this one because it's over 12,000 words. XD

-Kaline Reine


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